If I didn't have you
by ReeMaria
Summary: Short Song fic. Suze's POV on her relationship with Jesse
1. Default Chapter

If I Didn't Have You  
  
Author: KnightMaria aka Zam_R  
  
Rated PG  
  
Spoiler warning: possibly for all of the Mediator Series. Read at your own risk.  
  
Authors note: I wrote this like, the day after I read Haunted, I've just been too lazy to put it up.  
  
Disclaimer: The song belongs to Amanda Marshall, and Suze, Jesse, Paul, Madame Zara, and any other characters mentioned belongs to Meg Cabot. I make no profit of it and only do it for the love of Jesse.  
  
---  
  
I don't know what I was thinking  
  
'Till I was thinking of you  
  
I don't remember a thing before I opened my eyes  
  
And you came into view  
  
I don't know what I was doing  
  
When there was nothing to do  
  
Must've been waiting for someone, baby  
  
Now I can see I was waiting for you  
  
---  
  
Years ago, Gina and I went to this fortuneteller called, Madame Zara. She told me what they call, people like me. A Mediator. Not exactly a life changing moment, since I had know since I was like, two years old, that I could see the undead. I simply was shocked she had figured it out. It surprised me.  
  
However, one thing I had missed hearing during our time there, which Gina recently filled me in on, was the other thing Madame Zara had said. Something about me having one love that would last for all time. I knew right away who this love was. The only problem was, was that we weren't told whether this love would return the feelings.  
  
For a long time I believed he never would. But I waited and hoped all the same. Secretly keeping my love for him hidden, thought I'm not sure I did it very well.  
  
---  
  
I'd give up my sight just to see you  
  
I'd beg, I would borrow and steal  
  
I'd cut off my hands just to touch you  
  
And tear out my heart so you know how I feel  
  
There's nowhere that I wouldn't follow  
  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
  
'Cause I wouldn't wanna be me  
  
If I didn't have you  
  
---  
  
I knew how I felt about Jesse, but never realized how far I'd go, what I'd give, for him until he was forced from his place in this world. It wasn't even a choice, to leave him up there. I had to get him back, or at least make sure he was where he wanted to be. Jesse had been there for me, watching out for me, protecting and defending me and even giving me a shoulder to cry on. I did what I had to; I followed him to the Shadowland. I almost died for Jesse because of it, but it was something I would have done willingly for him.  
  
---  
  
Driving myself to distraction  
  
Until you got in the way  
  
I was just a whistling dixie  
  
'Till you struck up the band  
  
And they started to play  
  
I don't know how I was living  
  
Until you came in my life  
  
I always knew there was something wrong  
  
Then you came along  
  
Baby you made it right  
  
---  
  
Jesse chose to come back. Though our relationship stayed more or less the same. Slightly more uncomfortable after he had kissed me, but he was there, with me, and that's all that mattered to me. I knew the kiss had been simply to thank me for putting my life at risk for him, even though he made it clear that what I had done had been stupid. But the Paul Slater came back and changed everything. I had all but given up on Jesse, until he began spending a little more time with me again, trying to save me from Paul. Don't get me wrong, I knew he still wasn't going to return my feelings, but I knew he'd be there for me whenever I needed him. I told myself that would be enough.  
  
---  
  
I was alone in the silence  
  
'Till I was hearing your voice  
  
I couldn't see my way clear  
  
Until you parted to clouds  
  
And you gave me a choice  
  
I couldn't pick up the pieces  
  
'Till I was falling apart  
  
I didn't know I was bleeding  
  
'Till your love fixed this hole  
  
Baby here in my heart  
  
---  
  
I told Jesse it was alright he didn't feel the same way about me as I did him. But then I found out I was wrong. He was trying to allow me a normal life, and love someone who would be easier to love. Someone there wouldn't be near as many problems loving. But I told him he had it wrong. I wanted him; I didn't care how hard it may be to be with him. I just wanted him. After all, as the saying goes: anything of worth carries the risk of hurt. If he moved on, at least I'd have had my time with him. I wouldn't forever regret not taking a chance.  
  
That's when he kissed me. Jesse, I realized, actually did love me.  
  
Things were finally as they should be. I had found my one true love, and he loved me in return.  
  
---  
  
I'd give up my sight just to see you  
  
I'd beg, I'd borrow and steal  
  
I'd cut off my hands just to touch you  
  
And tear out my heart  
  
So you'd know how I feel  
  
There's nowhere that I wouldn't follow  
  
There's no place that I'd rather be  
  
This life without you would be hollow  
  
This love is a gift and you gave it to me  
  
All that I am, you have made me  
  
And baby, I know that it's true  
  
I'd give it all up in a heartbeat  
  
Just to spend every moment with you  
  
There's no place that I wouldn't follow  
  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
  
'Cause I wouldn't wanna be me  
  
If I didn't have you  
  
~fin~ 


	2. authors noteplease read!

Oh, I forgot to ask y'all to PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
It's my first attempt at a song fic, and my first Mediator fic., so be gentle please! :) 


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